Freedom from cancer

In theory, I am free of the beast. I haven't gotten the final pathology report on what all was removed during surgery, but based on what the intern said, things look really good. That handy-dandy lymph node that sent up the red flag was shrunken and shriveled and not really an organ of sorts anymore. Other lymph nodes were removed--from both sides--and I'll get the final tally on those later. My chest is now reformed and healing, and the confidence that it brings is amazing. In terms of the adenocarcinoma that I have been fighting, I am now free of the tissue that would otherwise harbor another little tumor that could go undetected. It is of great relief. Whatever else happens from here, I know that I have gone after this with what it would take to give me peace of mind.

On a side note--what they say about hospitals is all true: it is not the place to get rest. It's not so much that every 2 hours they come in to poke and prod, but for the nurse(s), it's their work day, so they are full of conversation. I was just trying to be polite, but in doing so, Linda and I had conversations at 12:30am, 2am, 4am, and at 6am. Then the nursing-world went quiet until almost 9am. I was out of the place by 10:30--so overall, we're talking 14.5 hours total. Not bad. Of course I barely remember a third of it. It's really odd to remember what was going on right before I went out. I was in pre-op, and had just been given a sedative. For the last procedure I had, the sedative didn't knock me out--it only made me loopy. Last I remember on Monday, I was having a conversation with Dr. Rominelli (or something like that), the anesthesiologist. After that, I got nothing until recovery--and after 2 hours in recovery at that. I guess it's best to not recall all things around a surgical procedure, but the control part of me hates that I lost that time with no input. But it's worth it to feel a sense of freedom...

Tomorrow

I just noticed that my last post was on Sept. 12th...and it was titled Looking Forward. I've been looking forward a lot since that last treatment. I knew that surgery was out there and that I would find my way to that day. That day is tomorrow. I'm not sure how many know exactly what I'm having done--I will have some lymph nodes removed as well as a bilateral mastectomy. I have trouble "telling" people this, but mostly because I worry about THEIR reaction. I'm really quite comfortable with the decision. It really is a no-brainer.

I am nervous about it--I've never been through such a long procedure and I've never had to spend the night in the hospital. But I can look forward to coming home on Tuesday and getting on with it. I still haven't defined what "it" is, but I suspect it has something to do with the rest of my life. I have definitely hit the point where I'm tired of cancer being the center point of my existence. I am hoping that soon the cancer focus can fade a bit. Sure, I know it will never fade completely away, but a little would be nice. The people around me have been AMAZING. I had no idea. Perhpas I can explain that more soon. Right now I have to think about tomorrow. Tomorrow is the beginning of it.