Fred v Real Life

So there is no doubt that Fred was indeed real life. I lived it, I experienced it, I felt the effects of that real life. But somehow I have now returned to Real Life. I never saw Fred, I never felt Fred--I only knew about Fred based on other symptoms that told me he was there. And dealing with Fred was very much a visual thing--I could see the poisons as they went in, I could see the effect of the poisons on who I was, and I could see the changes in me that came from dealing with Fred. But Real Life is so much more than the entity that was Fred.

What is important in relation to Fred is COMPLETELY different than what is important to Real Life. Real Life is much more uncontrollable (it really is), and it is much more unpredictable. Fred had definable characters. There were receptors, there were patterns, there were symptoms. Real Life has things that cannot be defined, and at times, cannot be described. And certainly Real Life generally lacks the ability to follow any pattern.

What one thinks should be in Real Life isn't a lot of the time. I could expect of Fred and Fred would come through. I could say that Fred will respond to Cytoxan, and Fred did indeed respond. I expected it and it happened. I cannot expect that things dealing with Real Life will ever be the way I think they should be. And recently I have found that is not something specific to me, but it is specific to everyone. What we all expect may not be how Real Life responds. One might expect that we all see things in the same way, but I don't need to tell you that we all clearly do not. One might expect that those who work hard for things get the recognition and rewards of doing so, but we all know that doesn't happen.

I once was worried that if I worked hard at my job, I might expect to lose my right to have a window view. I worked hard anyway and my expectation was not met. I still have my window view. Fred would have liked the new view. But Fred did as expected and left. Right now, I like Fred better than I like Real Life.